10 Summertime Safety Suggestions

Summertime is a lot of fun for families. Schedules tend to be more flexible, there are vacation trips, exciting adventures, and more time to enjoy living. While most of these qualities are terrific, with a change in routine sometimes comes accompanying hazards. We are creatures of habit, after all. We want your summer experience to be completely positive with no mishaps, so here are some ideas to help keep your kids safe. You’ll notice that these approaches will flow seamlessly into the fall after school restarts as well. Read on, and be careful out there!

1. Set clear expectations
   In his 1962 State of the Union address, President John F. Kennedy said, “The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.” Although Kennedy was talking about the need for strong national defense, the concept applies to effective parenting. Kids occasionally get themselves into terrible situations, and sometimes parents respond with, “Didn’t you know any better??” Well, frankly, maybe they didn’t. The saying common sense isn’t all that commonespecially applies to the juveniles living under your roof. Remember, with youth comes inexperience. It is the parent’s job to anticipate difficult or dangerous situations and establish clear boundaries ahead of time. Remember, a rule that’s not spoken or written is only an idea.
2. Meet the parents
   This directive is much more serious than Robert De Niro and Ben Stiller’s 2000 comedy by the same name. Perhaps your child has not yet learned the savvy art of being a good judge of character. Hopefully you have! It is naive to assume that every family has the same values that yours does. Likewise, not every parent has the same skill of observation, insight, wisdom, and care as you. Before allowing your child (of any age) to spend time with new friends and their families, arrange an opportunity to meet the parents. That face-to-face interaction will either pacify or validate your apprehensions, helping you decide if your child spending time with this friend and family is beneficial or not. And don’t worry about what the other parents think, because your proactivity simply demonstrates your caring concern and that you expect the best for your child.
3. Location, location, location
   When we were growing up, there was a 10:00 pm public service announcement on TV every night asking, “Do you know where your children are?” Even as a kid, I thought that was preposterous. Certainly, parents know the whereabouts of their children! But that’s not always the case. The location of that little tyke you brought home from the hospital is always known, of course, because babies can’t get very far on their own. But as they get older, they can travel. At what point does a parent notneed to know where their child is? Ten? Twelve? Sixteen? We recommend that as long as they’re living at your address, for safety’s sake, make it a good practice to know where they are. Always. As your child gets older, put the responsibility of communicating his whereabouts on him. And don’t rely on phone apps like Find My Friends. That’s cheating. Have conversations and expectations.
4. Safety in numbers
   This concept is so simple, it’s frequently overlooked. Doing chores, walking to the store, swimming . . . everythingis safer in groups. Not only is there safety in numbers, but also accountability. We are strong supporters of family activities. But if the whole family can’t be together, one parent, sibling, or a friend is better than going solo. How many people are needed to create an appropriate safety net? King Solomon wrote, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:11-13). When you think about it, there’s a lot of wisdom there! If someone in a party of three gets injured, one person can stay with the hurt individual while the other goes for help. Three is an intentionally safe number. Oh, and use caution when deciding to leave kids at home alone.
5. Provide proper training
   As grownups, some tasks have become second nature – cooking with heat, cleaning with chemicals, using power tools, sharpening your collection of ninja throwing stars. In these examples, obviously some training and supervision is necessary for children. But what about folding a camp chair? I’ve come close to pinching a finger clean off on one of those buggers! Never underestimate the importance of adequate training, even for jobs that seem simple. And equally important, foster an environment in which kids expectto receive instruction before embarking on new tasks. This creates a productive and safe relationship in which kids will learn to look for guidance proactively. Of course, alwaysgive the training when asked, no matter how simple it may seem.

The next several tips focus on cybersecurity. In our modern, digital world, it should come as no surprise that kids’ digital devices can unfortunately be a source of dangers, both tangible and intangible. Statistically, your child probably won’t be abducted by a pedophile she met online. But some kids are. Probably your child won’t get bullied online to the point of slipping into a suicidal depression. But some kids will. A loving parent wouldn’t let his child run around with sharp scissors presuming that they probably won’t fall and jab their eye out. Electronic devices have become so prevalent, they are almost invisible. But parents, we must be aware of and controlour children’s digital life. Most kids are quite literally incapable of making good choices about their electronics. Children are by definition immature and inexperienced. So fill that gap by providing the real leadership they require for their cyber world.

6. Stake your claim
   Think about all the electronic devises and services your kids have access to – phones, tablets, computers, television, internet, etc. If your family is typical, those conveniences were bought and paid for by you, the parent. Yet often, children will claim devices like personal property and become very territorial. Then a weird atmosphere results in which the devices become ‘none of your business,’ and secrecy and danger can result. For safety’s sake, claim your rightful ownership over these devices! Know all your kids’ passwords. Establish clear restrictions. Assert your authority and make sure everyone understands that these devices are your property, on loan according to your terms.
7. Monitor usage
   In the world of business management, you often hear the adage people respect what you inspect. This is so true! Your child will be appropriately accountable when he knows you will be following up to check devise use. Be aware, there are apps out there that create ‘dummy’ home screens on a phone so the first glance is fake. Going deeper into the folders will lead to a place where another password leads to the phone’s real content. Kids often go to great lengths to maintain their privacy, so parents need to become very tech savvy. There are tools available to help parents control the content of the various devices on their plans. Contact your service provider for details. The important part is to not just make a threat to check, but actually follow up on a routine basis.
8. Set limits
   We routinely hear stories of students who are allowed to go to bed with their phones, feign going to sleep, then surf the web and text their friends all night. It’s no small wonder students struggle staying awake in class! Parents desperately need to set limits and say ‘no’ regarding electronics. Set limits on how much screen time your kids can have each day. Set limits on when it’s time to put devices away in the evening. Set limits on how many social media apps your child participates in (some kids use up to SIX). We are observing a generation growing up with deficient communication skills and genuinely addicted to their tech. The limits you enforce now will help give your kids a more balanced and successful life later. And if your establishment of reasonable boundaries is met with fits of rage, the silent treatment, or panic resulting from ‘not being able to live without’ their devices, that’s just additional assurance that you’re doing the right thing!
9. Establish electronics-free zones
   There are two areas in your home that will be instantly improved when declared free of electronics: the dinner table and the bedroom. Mealtime conversation will be better if phones are kept away, but that’s not a safety concern. Electronics in the bedroom, on the other hand, can become dangerous. It has been our experience that typically no good comes from having electronics of any kind in the bedroom. We have known instances of well behaved, mild mannered kids that you would never suspect who ventured into very dark places behind the closed doors of their bedrooms. Shame and embarrassment are dangerous demons to tame. Be the champion of your child’s mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual safety by gifting them with a space free from the peer pressure, intrusion, and temptation of the outside world. Keep the desktop, laptop, TV, video games, phones, and all other devices out in a visible common space so there’s no opportunity for secrecy.
10. Communicate!
    When considering safety, communication is critical. When everyone in a family is open and honest, it’s much less likely that surprises will occur. Create an atmosphere in which full disclosure is the norm. This is different from interrogation. Older kids especially will shut down when they feel like they’re being grilled. “Where are you going? What will you be doing? Who will you be with? Are you wearing clean underpants?” But instead spend some time together every day talking about recent events, parents and kids alike taking turns. Then after discussing what happened recently, talk about upcoming plans. Parents, talk about your favorite coworkers and why you enjoy working with them. Then allow the kids to talk about their favorite pals, and why they’re fun to hang around. Make it natural! Replacing text messages with real, face-to-face conversations is a great way to really know each other and sense each other’s hearts. Then communication becomes open, honest, productive, and leads to improved safety.

This concludes our four-part summer series. We hope the rest of your summer is safe, responsible, and filled with chores and family! Best wishes to you all!

10 Chores That Benefit Your Kids

Look out parents – summer is here in all its apathetic glory. With classes out of session, extracurricular activities stopped, and required homework and reading suspended, most kids have WAY too much free time on their hands. A great way to keep their work ethic alive and foster responsibility over the summer is to institute some chores. We know, kids don’t like being assigned chores. But parenting is not a popularity contest. Good parents give leadership that helps grow their kids into responsible, hardworking adults. And where chores are concerned, the benefits far outweigh any potential grumbling.

Over the years, we’ve heard lots of twenty-somethings brag about how they neverhad to do any chores while they were growing up. Well, we’ve also known lots of young adults who sadly don’t know how to do laundry or clean a toilet. Reasonable chores are logical and effective ways to help your child learn the basic tasks necessary for making it as a grownup. And let’s face it, during the summer when we’re working and they’re playing, chores help to even the workload out a bit, so everyone can enjoy more free time.

1. Worker in training
   At what age should a kid be expected to do chores? Well, once a little tot is old enough to take belongings out of the toybox and scatter them around the house, he’s old enough (with some guidance) to pick up the toys and put them back. Toddlers shouldn’t be operating heavy equipment, of course, but there are lots of little tasks that can foster a positive habit of helping: emptying little trash cans into the big kitchen trashcan, using a rag to wipe off doorknobs, making sure decorative pillows are in their proper place. You’ll be surprised at the pride a little tyke can feel in a job well done!
2. Mail duty
   Whether at the end of your driveway or down the street, kids can pick up the mail and drop off outgoing letters. Of course, use good judgement about the amount of supervision is reasonable for your child’s age when walking near traffic or out of sight around the corner. But once he’s old enough, your child can take over this responsibility entirely.
3. Pet care
   It often seems that the kids in a family are the ones who beg and beg to get a pet, then mom or dad end up serving as the primary caregiver. Give those chores to your kids! Feeding, watering, walking, bathing, brushing – these are all tasks that kids in middle school and older can handle. Caring for a pet is a great way to learn that love is not just a feeling, but calls for action and responsibility as well.
4. The dishwasher
   No one enjoys loading or unloading the dishwasher. If someone told you he enjoys it, he is either lying or has some hidden issues to deal with. But just because it’s repetitive and unpleasant doesn’t mean your kids shouldn’t get to experience it. That’s how work is sometimes. Like all chores, show them what to do and explain your expectations, then turn them loose. Consider making a rotating schedule so everyone gets a turn.
5. Clean the car
   My father always said that a clean car runs better. I’m not certain that’s accurate, but a clean car is certainly more enjoyable! Kids of any age can pitch in with certain aspects of this job, and the older they get, the more they can handle independently. Once they start driving, consider attaching the privilege of using the car to the responsibility of keeping it clean.
6. Trash
   Certainly one of the most unpleasant household chores, but one that can be handled by late elementary kids and up. Dumping small cans into the big can, taking the bin to the curb, replacing liners, even periodically scrubbing the cans are all good chores that teach the realities of running a household.
7. Neighbors
   When considering chores for your children, look beyond your own four walls. Maybe a neighbor or family member needs some extra help. Running an errand, caring for a pet, getting the mail, or bringing the empty trashcan back to the house are all simple tasks that can become burdensome if someone is sick or recovering from an injury. Reach out and help your kids be a blessing!
8. Yardwork
   It always makes us sad when we see a neighbor who hires a lawn service while their multiple, healthy, teenage kids sit inside staring at their electronic devices. When did we get so busy or sophisticated that we can’t care for our own property? Whether the family works together or the kids take it over, get them out there! The littlest kids can pick up fallen sticks or use a watering can. Older kids can handle the whole project. Learning this skill well can even lead to a profitable summer job!
9. Laundry
   We weren’t being facetious before about kids leaving for college not knowing how to wash their own clothes. We’ve seen this happen many times. At the very least, kids should be helping with their part of the household laundry process – putting their dirty clothes in the hamper, and making sure clean clothes stay put away appropriately. High school kids should take a more active role, perhaps even managing all of their own laundering needs. Imagine the freedom you’ll feel when asked, “Where’s my [insert name of garment here]?” You can say, “I dunno, you’re in charge of your own laundry!”
10. Bedroom
    Last but certainly not least, the nightmare of many parents – the child’s bedroom. Out of exasperation, many parents take a hand-off approach: “This is their space, and if they want to live in a disaster area, that’s their business. But don’t expect me to ever set foot in there!” The problem with this tactic is that someday, very likely, your messy, cluttered, disorganized kid will have a roommate who will notwant to live in a disaster area. Appropriate bedroom chores now can bless a college dormmate or spouse with future happiness! Should you expect your kid’s bedroom to pass the white-glove test? Probably not. But do consider some minimal expectations and stick to them. A made bed, clear floor, closed closet door, stowed clothes, and absence of dirty dishes is an excellent start.

With all of these chores, it is absolutely essential to attach some consequences. Chores are not suggestions. Once you, the parent, have decided on a plan, it becomes mandatory. Completing the chores as expected earns privileges; failing to meet expectations removes privileges; and chronically treating assigned responsibilities irresponsibly leads to consequences. That is the real world, right there. We can’t tell you what those privileges and consequences should be, but you’ll know what will work best in your setting. Create a chart to aid in understanding and stay consistent. If you make a change, communicate it clearly beforehand.

What about paying an allowance? Well, there’sa loaded question! There are so many approaches to paying kids for their work, we’d rather not make recommendations. But we will offer a few guidelines. First, it’s reasonable to expect a certain amount of work ‘for free’ just by virtue of being part of the family. Do your kids create trash? Play on the lawn? Drink from clean glasses? Well, then performing associated chores is just part of carrying the shared responsibility of living together as a family.Second, if you choose to pay for certain tasks, by all means pay by the job, not by the week. This teaches clearly that income is earned by completing a task well, not by just waiting for a certain amount of time to elapse. Paying your child for having a pulse for a certain number of days is not an effective approach. And third, if you pay anything, it should absolutely not exceed minimum wage. For example, you assign your child to clean the toilets. You hate that job, so to you it’s worth $5 per toilet. Then you discover that he does a really good job scrubbing that toilet in about 10 minutes. Well, at that rate, he’s earning $30 per hour! WAY too much! That price structure sends the wrong message, teaches the wrong lesson, and is disproportionate with reality. Make it $1.25.

So far in our summer series, we’ve talked about quality family time, fostering responsibility, and some ideas for chores. We hope your household is benefitting from some of these ideas. Next week, helpful measures to keep your child safe during the summer!

10 Tips for Quality Summer Family Time

Here we are again – another summer vacation. Even though the break has barely begun, we’re already anticipating the students’ return in August. If this coming fall is like others recently, some students will share accounts of summer adventures with friends and family. But most will talk about staying up too late, sleeping away most of the days, and just generally wasting time. These stories always make us sad, because when is there ever a better opportunity than summer vacation to use time wisely?

Parents, we want to encourage you, here at the start of the summer. Take some time to consider really helping your student. Regardless of age, if your child is living under your roof, you have a tremendous opportunity to influence him positively. A great start is simply spending time together as a family. Most younger kids love intentional family time! And, believe it or not, despite their sometimes-apathetic demeanor, most older kids love family time too.

Below we’ve included ten ideas you can easily implement this summer to bring your family closer together. These approaches are easy, work for any age, and don’t require a big budget. All will require your kids (and you!) to put away your smartphones for a while. Although our modern devices have become obligatory, their presence alwaysmakes personal connection more difficult. We also recommend that once you, the parent, have decided which approaches to use, they should be mandatory for the whole family. If the activities you select are worth doing, they’re worth everyonedoing them.

1. Family dinner
   Without some intentional planning, busy family members can be like ships that pass in the night. Or speedboats! Evening meals are an ideal time to connect, share about the day’s events, and discuss upcoming plans. Go around the table and give everyone a turn to speak. And of course, electronic devices are elsewhere – preferably in another room. If you find it impossible to schedule family dinner every night, commit to several nights each week, and stick to it.
2. Family date night
   Think of some of those fun, relatively inexpensive activities you may have done as a teenager with your ‘special squeeze’ – bowling, roller skating, movies, drive-inmovies, or dressing up for a moderately-priced restaurant. Make it a special occasion, take some pictures, and, of course, leave the phones at home. If you have multiple kids, find some opportunities for one-on-one time – a daddy and daughter lunch, or mom and son breakfast. Although family bonding is a whole-group endeavor, working on individual links does make the whole chain stronger.
3. Get out and move
   Find some outdoor activities to do together. Go on a nature hike, play some tennis, go camping, toss a frisbee around, or play a game of croquet in the backyard. There are lots of memorable adventures for a family to enjoy, like renting a canoe, going tubing, rock climbing, or visiting a state park. Dust the cobwebs off those bicycles, pump up the tires, and enjoy a ride together.
4. Staycation
   Who says family togetherness has to cost a lot of money? Fancy vacations are lots of fun, but families often go their separate ways once reaching their destination. This summer, plan a few intentional days for the whole family to stay home (or close to home) all day. Create an itinerary so everybody knows the plan. Maybe have each family member plan a block of time on the calendar. These days can be so much fun! Include a little bit of ‘alone time,’ because everybody needs an occasional break, even from family. Also, plan a few specific times to check devices, otherwise – no phones (for kids or their parents)!
5. Projects
   Let’s face it, there are always projects to be done. Rather than unpleasant tasks, make them family goals! Maybe one of your kids would like to have his bedroom painted this summer. Don’t do it forhim – do it with him! Have three kids? Select three planting areas in your yard and have them each design, plant, water, and maintain their own flower bed. Make it a friendly family competition! Projects can be fun, teach new skills, bring a family together, and make great memories.
6. Family service project
   There are needs all around us, all the time, and compassionate people can frequently offer solutions. What a great lesson for your kids to learn this summer! Think of a neighbor or family member who needs some extra help and find a way to be a blessing. Maybe running an errand, doing some cleaning, cooking a meal, moving some furniture, or just providing some friendly companionship. Mobilize your family to make a difference!
7. Family movie night
   Our household enjoyed Hutton Family Movie Night™ every Friday for years! We took turns picking titles and ordered pizza or sometimes Chinese food. We looked forward to it every week. The rule was to never complain about someone else’s selection. Although it’s not necessarily a good opportunity for connection, it is a fun tradition for your family to do together.
8. Game night
   For some reason, family members often drift apart in the evenings. Implement a strategy to intentionally keep your family together. Pull out a deck of cards, a board game, or a puzzle. Take turns planning a scavenger hunt. If your kids feel addicted to video games, have them create a video game tournament and play together!
9. Read a book
   Choose a book title that everyone will enjoy and spend some time each evening reading aloud. Be sure to take time to discuss what you’re reading. This provides an opportunity to build active listening skills and helps to insure younger family members understand the plot. If your kids are strong readers, allow everyone to take a turn. If they’re not confident readers, however, it’s probably best to leave the reading to the grown-ups, otherwise the event becomes tedious instead of enjoyable. Or find a great audiobook and listen to that. The important point is to do it together.
10. Family devotions
    Last, but certainly not least, spend some time together in prayer and reading the Word. If you’re not already in the habit of doing this as a family, it can feel scary, but it’s not! Read a Psalm, write down prayer requests from every family member, and talk to the Lord. Start with thanksgiving, then mention the requests. Allow everyone to take turns leading. Do this consistently for a while, and your kids will begin expecting and looking forward to it.

That’s enough to get you started! Take some time to review the list, think about how you’d like your family’s summer to look, and choose a few ideas. Don’t try the whole list all at once, or you’ll overwhelm your kids and yourself! If an idea falls flat with your family, that’s okay. Try it again with a few adjustments or try something different from the list. Or get inspired to invent your own ideas and approaches. The important thing is to be intentional and keep it up! Don’t allow the summer to be wasted on your family . . . it’ll be over before you know it!

Next week, we’ll share some suggestions about how to help your kids grow in responsibilityover the summer.